Spreuken

• ALCOHOL, because no great story ever started with someone eating salad!
• Yes, I talk to myself, it's the only way to get an intelligent conversation around here!
• Save the whales.
  Collect the whole set.
• To be old and wise, one must first have been young and stupid.
• I always take life with a grain of salt,
  plus a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.
• Think of how stupid the average person is,
  than realize half of them are even stupider than that.
• I hate people that keep on talking while I'm interupting them.
• I don’t know, and you don’t either.
• We're not happy until you're not happy.
• The first step is admitting you're a problem.
• I used to suffer from soap addiction,
  but I'm clean now.
• Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin
• I didn't say it was your fault.
  I said I was blaming you!
• Only dead fish go with the flow.
• I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
  When they wake up in the morning,
  that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
• If you ain't pissin' people off, you ain't doin' it right.
• The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
• Never argue with stupid people,
  they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
• What's the difference between ignorance and indifference?
  I don't know and I don't care!
• I don't want to get technical or anything,
  but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution!
• Actually, I'm quite balanced...
  I have a chip on both shoulders.
• I knew a girl at school called Pandora.
  Never got to see her box, though.
• Virginity can be cured.
• I spend my money on dope, sex and cheap thrills.
  he rest of it, I waste.
• This is my world,
  you're just living in it!
• Liefde maakt meer kapot dan drank kan goedmaken.
• Vrouwen:
  Waarom de ware zoeken als je met de verkeerde zoveel lol kan hebben?
• Fast Food:
  hitting a rabbit at 65 mph.
• Drank is eerder op dan je lief is.
• My two best friends:
  Charley and Jack Daniels.
• I used to be schizophrenic
  but we're allright now.
• Loud pipes saves lives
• Luid pijpen redt levens.
• Ik denk da we de grootste club van de wereld zen meei 84000 shovels maar de meesten weten niet da ze der bij horen.
  Cel; Shovel Owners Group
• A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
• If you can't convince them,
  confuse them.
• I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do any drugs ...
  the only weakness i have is this tiny little lying problem.
• LIFE WITHOUT A HARLEY
  would be no life at all!
• WANTED:
  cheap meaningless sex;
  no experience necessary.
• To err is human; to forgive is simply not our policy.
• All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
• Nice tits.
• True Connoisseur of Sleazy Women & Cheap Booze.
• MISSING:
  Ol'lady and bike.
  Reward for bike!
• Ride it like you stole it.
• I may not be able to stay young, but I can stay immature.
• Just when you think you've seen them all, nature invents a better idiot.
• In a mad world, only the mad are sane.
• Of all the things I've lost,
  I miss my mind the most.
• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• You have the right to remain silent ...
  Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• Is that a ladder in your stocking or a stairway to heaven?
• Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
• They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither.
• Remember when sex was safe
  and riding a Harley was dangerous?
• If it wasn't meant to be eaten,
  then why does it have the shape of a taco?
• What part of "Kiss My Ass" don't you understand?
• Fuck Obscenity
• Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck?
• If you want more inches,
  stroke it!
• Whores may be more fun to ride,
  but I know my Harley don't have AIDS
• Party till you puke.
• An eleven is a 10 that swallows.
• If it smells good,
  eat it.
• Have a nice day,
  asshole!
• What's the most expensive thing in the world?
  A chick who's free for the evening.
• Never trust anything that bleeds for 3 to 5 days and doesn't die.
• A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
  but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
• O Lord
  Help me to keep my big mouth shut untill I know what I'm talking about.
• If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
• Work to Ride, Ride to Work
• In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
• If Harley Davidson made aeroplanes, would you fly in it?

The Psalm of Harley

THE HOG IS MY CYCLE, I SHALL NOT WANT ANOTHER
IT MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN ON MUDDY ROADS
IT SKIDETH WHEN BESIDE THE DEEP WATERS
IT RUINETH MY NERVES AND LEADETH ME
DOWN PATHS OF IDIOCY FOR ITS NAME SAKE
YEA, THOUGH I RIDE THROUGH THE VALLEYS
I PUSH UP THE HILLS
ITS RODS AND LOOSE SPOKES THEY TORTURE ME
IT PREPAREST MY TRIALS BEFORE ME
AND IN THE PRESENCE OF MINE ENEMIES
IT TEACHETH ME TO FEAR THE FAST LIMEYS
IT ANOINTEST MY CLOTHING WITH OIL
ITS CARBURATOR RUNETH OVER
YEA VERILY THIS MONSTER WILL CURSE ME
ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE
AND I SHALL DWELL NEAR A PARTS HOUSE

FOREVER

• What's LXIX?
  sixty-nine, the hard way.
• Everybody needs to believe in something.
  I believe I'll have another beer.
• In my previous life I thought reincarnation was true.
  In this life I don't.
• Don't walk on the grass.
  Smoke it.
• My wife ran away with my best friend.
  Damned, I miss him.
• Drinking halves your lifetime,
  but you see twice as much.
• Je kan het doen,
  en je kan het laten.
  Maar je kan het ook laten doen!
• Bikers are so horny they'll even fuck the crack of day.
• I might not be perfect,
  but parts of me are excellent.
• De trein naar Eindhoven stopt vandaag niet te Best!
• TO ALL YOU VIRGINS;
  Thanks for nothing.
• Chrome won't get you home
• If you love your life as much as I love my bike;
  Don't fuck with it.
• I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
• WANTED:
  meaningful overnight relationship.
• I don't suffer from insanity,
  I enjoy every minute of it.
• 3 kinds of people:
  those who can count & those who can't.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
• LIFE STARTS AT 55 Mph
• Live like a dog;
  If you can't fuck or eat it,
  piss on it.
• The very fact that I'm paranoid doesn't mean they are not after me.
• Reality is just an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
• A dirty mind is a joy forever.
• At times, it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder if you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
• This bike is protected by a pitbull with aids.
  (Don't worry 'bout that, think about the guy who gave it to her!)
• I hope to die peacefully, like my grandfather did, in his sleep.
  Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
• Why drink and drive, if you can smoke and fly?
• What's the last thing going through a fly's mind when hitting a helmet?
  It's ass.
• Save a mouse,
  Eat more pussy.
• I still miss my ex,
  but my aim will improve.
• One-tequila,
  (Twenty)two-tekeela,
  (Thirty)thlee-keteela,
  Floor.
• I'm not prejudiced against anyone,
  I hate everybody equally.
• Handguns don't kill people
  nearly as well as automatic assault weapons do.
• I need someone real bad.
  Are you really bad?
• Conserve water,
  drink beer.
• EVERYONE is entitled to MY opinion.
• Better my sister in a whorehouse,
  then my brother on a Honda.
• The more I learn about people,
  the more I love my bike.
• Don't get mad,
  get even.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs!
• It's easy to be humble when you're great.
  But it takes real class to be arrogant when you're a failure.
• If everything is coming your way,
  you're in the wrong lane.
• The older I get, the better I used to be.
• I might not always be right,
  but I'm never wrong.
• Bikers are a crazy bunch,
  what some call pussy they call lunch.
• Harley Fucking Davidson,
  anything else is just transportation.
• Old bikers don't die,
  they just smell that way.
• There is no intelligence here,
  Scotty, beam me up.
• Bikers have more fun than people.
• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me,
  than a frontal lobotomy.
• And on the 8th day,
  GOD created Harley Davidson.
• I don't have a drinking problem.
  I drink,
  I get drunk,
  I fall down.
  No problem.
• I used to be disgusted,
  now I'm just amused.
• Sworn to Fun,
  Loyal to None.
• There is no gravity,
  Earth sucks.
• Good guy's wear black.
• It's hard to be humble when you're the best.
• There is only one thing better then a Harley,
  two Harley's.
• My wife? okay.
  My dog? maybe.
  My hog? never!
• Those of you who think you know everything,
  are very annoying to those of us who do.
• What's a nice guy like me
  doing in a place like this?
• Why I ride a Harley?
  If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand.
  If you'd understood, I wouldn't have to explain.
• Trespassers will be shot,
  survivors will be shot again!
• Ass, gas or grass,
  nobody rides for free.
• If I had my life to live over again,
  I'd make all the same mistakes,
  but I'd make them sooner.
• God forgives,
  bikers don't.
• If you can't fix it,
  fuck it.
• Ride to live,
  live to ride.
• Very funny Scotty,
  now beam down my clothes.